No one told me what to expect when my husband returned from stressful combat situations.
I guess no one told him either. He wasn’t the same. What was different? Hmm. Nothing too much at first. He didn’t smile or talk as much, and he just seemed a tad distant, but that could’ve been because we’d been a part for so long.
Something more? Nah. No way.
It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). I just felt like most soldiers were falsely claiming to have it, as if it were an excuse for their bad behavior or some sort of get out of jail free card.
My husband and I, and most of our military friends felt the same way, but when PTSD symptoms starting emerging in my husband, I started to secretly second guess my preconceived notions. Now looking back on our journey through PTSD, I’ve been able to make a list of things I wish I’d known. I pray that my list will in some way help you or someone you know that could be struggling with this issue.
Hindsight is 20/20:
*Pressuring your husband to talk about his deployment experiences is not a good idea. Just love him, and talk about other things.
*Listen when your husband wants to talk about the war. Just listen. Don’t talk. Just listen.
*Don’t tell him how he needs to be feeling or what he needs to be doing. Just love him. Let your actions and words show him how much you love him.
*PTSD symptoms can show up months or even years later. Your brain does a really great job of covering up and trying to protect you.
*Men want to know that they’re good enough. Good enough to save the day, get the job done, make ends meet, protect you and your family. Their ego is fragile no matter how big their head may appear. J Build them up with your words and actions. Let them know they are good enough.
*Sometimes soldiers returning from stressful combat situations literally can’t feel. This was hard to swallow, and understand. As a woman, I feel LOTS of emotions, lol. Many soldiers returning from war have lost the ability to feel any emotion other than anger. There is a constant numbness. And that’s normal. It’s how many are able to successfully do their job. BUT at home, these men who are fathers and husbands, need to feel. It would’ve been nice to know that my husband feeling distant from me and others was normal, and that it takes time, rest, patience, good nutrition, and prayer to learn to feel again.
*Prolonged stress can literally alter your genetics, and cause damage to your brain. Google the effects of stress…you’d be amazed! I’ve read that upwards of 80% of diseases are a direct effect of stress, and soldiers, and their families—yes, even the kids are stressed. What helps? Exercise! Music! Positive Thinking—putting the Word of God in your heart and mind. Staying busy. Getting involved, and volunteering.
*There is no shame in admitting that you or your spouse need help for PTSD/TBI. My husband denied any problems until others began to recognize symptoms in him, and then he was worried that getting help would be embarrassing, make him less of a soldier. That wasn’t true. Getting help saved him and our family.
Please feel free to leave comments or shoot me a message. I’d love to hear from you.